(My life, my rules! – The backpacker within lives. – Originally posted Sept 2016 on my free WordPress site thebackpackingbubble.wordpress.com )
The backpacker within Lives!
My previous and first ever blog about reality smacking me in the face – Bubble burst, reality smacks! received some surprisingly good reviews. So I thought I’d follow it up and let you know what’s gone on in the last 5 months since I returned home. This is why the backpacker within lives.
As I mentioned in the previous post I was done being a backpacker, for the first time I was happy to be back in England. I wanted to settle, I had new aspirations…dare I say it…wait for it …I wanted to try and be normal or more like the 80%. It pains me to even say this but after I returned I wanted to be put back in a box. To live like what society deems to be a normal life – Eat, work, watch TV, sleep, repeat. Yes, I’m sure a lot of people will scream at me saying I can have and do much more in my life than just those 4 steps but in essence that what it is.
All those thoughts of being settled felt so good initially, I had returned home, emptied my backpack, threw it to the side because for the first time in 6 years I didn’t need it anymore. My clothes washed and smelling fresh went straight into MY wardrobe without having to go through each item to make sure it was all there. Side note: Why do clothes always go missing from hostel washing machines and launderettes? Is there a underwear fairy that steals Boxer shorts ?… Anyway back to my first few days, it felt great to put my clothes back in MY wardrobe. Even better than that, I sank into MY bed, MY mattress; not a hostel bed that’s had hundreds of people sleep in before and after me.
…yes cobs!.. I’m from the East Midlands in England that’s what they are! They aren’t barm cakes or baps or rolls or whatever else you call them…they’re cobs!… Stuffing myself with home cooked food and all types rubbish, taking over my brothers Xbox to play Fifa all day everyday was my bliss at the time. Initially that’s all I wanted to do for a few days, maybe a week just to recharge.
However those days turned into weeks and into a month…It just disappeared. It didn’t even disappear like that when I travelled. Well that month turned into 3, laziness had kicked in, the slumber, the lethargic-ness, the ‘I can’t be arsed to do anything’ attitude was settling in. I had to change that. After all I had new aspirations, I wanted to get my own place, learn to drive, buy mod cons, live that normal life but for that I needed a job, I needed a routine.
The routine came…Didn’t take me long to get a job…wake up, go to work, come home and eat, sleep and repeat…It bored me, it clipped my wings, it made me feel caged up, like the last 5 years never happened…I quit after a month.
So that did’t last long, I was back to Fifa and eating rubbish…Now what? I didn’t want to work, I didn’t want to travel, I was stuck in the rut! And soon an old friend of mine ‘darkness’ reared it’s ugly head. It started consuming me, to swallow me up and send me spiraling down an abyss. The thought’s all changed, the negativity took over, doubt, loss of confidence, the box I wanted to be put back into had slammed it’s lid shut. I lost sight of everything I wanted to do, I’d go as far as saying I felt depressed; this wasn’t a come down, this wasn’t the bubble bursting. The transition from my traveling life to reality felt more like being ripped through a dimensional vortex in outer space. This slump, this abyss I was in, dragged me deeper each day.
It reached a point where I realized something, I had gone against the grain all my life, the one time I tried to have that ‘normal’ life; it depressed me. Traveling, backpacking, roaming the world, those thoughts were coming back to me. I needed to be free from the shackles, spreading my wings, drifting with and where the wind takes me; that’s who I am and I can’t change that and nor do I want to anymore. Real life, working 9-5, being in the rat race, being boxed is not my life.
The moment of clarity
So whilst in the deepest regions of my dark abyss, when all hope was fading, a moment of clarity, a flicker of a light, a thought was planted and slowly blossomed. This thought has continued to grow into more thought’s. The Thirst, the want and need to travel has come flowing back to me as I continue to climb out, the backpacker within has woken and wants to forever roam the world!
So here I am writing this blog, with new ideas, new adventures and bursting with energy. I have Traveled, backpacked, lived, worked and explored around the world for the last 6 years. This is just the beginning!
I will one day look back at this post, and remember that this is where it all started – The rebirth of my travels, my future and the beginning of a new adventure.