(The grass may not be greener but… – Originally posted Nov 2016 on my free WordPress site thebackpackingbubble.wordpress.com)
I belong on the other side of the fence!
Sweat poured out of me like I had just stepped out the shower as the Bolivian sun bore down on me. The puff of my cigarette in the humidity felt heavy and suffocating as I gazed down at the bustling traffic and locals getting on with their everyday lives from my hotel balcony in Santa Cruz de la Sierra. I was dreading the 10 minute walk to the bus stop to take me to the airport but looking forward to getting on that plane…This was 9 months ago.
This of course was my last day, my last hours in Bolivia but more so my last moments of traveling. After 6 years of wondering the world, I sat struggling with my cigarette not thinking or contemplating about my travels or adventures but daydreaming of eating a bacon sandwich from the comfort of my own bedroom while playing on computer games.
Sounds ridiculous right? Yes, I completely agree with you now but at that point I couldn’t wait to get out of Bolivia. Not because I didn’t like the place but because I was over traveling. In fact I had spent the last couple of days not making the most of the end of my trip but just waiting for the days to disappear so I could go home – My traveling bubble had burst and I wanted normality. Bubble burst, reality smacks !
Fast forward a lot of bacon sandwiches, a few blog posts and a lot of complaining about being back home, I want to be back in my bubble, sorry not want – I need to be back in my bubble. If you have been keeping up with my blog, you will know some of my posts have been about me talking about missing traveling and how when I thought I wanted normality in my life, I just can’t do normality.
I guess I did need to come home to have that dose of reality to be in a position to miss traveling and the life I’ve been fortunate to live. These past few months, especially the last few weeks since I’ve started working again has made me realize that I need to be out there in the world somewhere; whether that’s traveling, living or working I belong on the other side of the fence.
With another week down at work and the way the screws are turning now, I am getting closer to the other side of that fence. The question isn’t if, it’s when and right now that could be as soon as a couple of weeks. Logically as I’ve mentioned in my last two posts Where to next ? and I’m trying so hard… I should stay and work for 3 months to get the money that I need but my impatience is taking over and wants me to pack and leave next week. Circumstances in my personal life that came to the fore this past week have also played a major part in my impatience growing stronger.
I know the grass is not greener.
I’m not saying that the grass is greener over on the other side even if it seems to be. I am under no illusion that it will be all roses and dreamy on the other side but the fact is I belong on the other side of the fence. I know that there will be dark days, days when I don’t want to travel, days when I miss the little home comforts like bacon sandwiches and my Xbox; and there will be many days when things will be very tough on me but those days will pass. I know I’ll be much happier, I know that when I’m having tough days I will have some thing I never had before; the memory and experience of being back home and just not wanting it.
When those dark days take over I will be able to think back on these past 9 months of being home and remember how I felt, remember how I just complained about not being able to live like a normal person, I’ll have that memory of feeling like a caged bird – This experience of coming home has not been enjoyable but has been something that I needed, I needed this to remind myself that I belong out there drifting with the wind.
Who knows, very soon my posts will be not of me moaning about wanting to travel again, but could have a much happier tone and talking about my adventures in Europe, about how great it feels to be living in Portugal, or Spain (as of right now they are the most likely destinations) My wings will be spread again and I’ll be free of the shackles I put myself in. You might start to read more informative posts from me whilst I’m out there, more enjoyable ones too.
I know that my posts over the last few weeks have been me on a bit of a downer but the light at the end of the tunnel has started to flicker and I am rushing towards it. Soon I will reach the light and be back out there in the world, on the other side of the fence – Just like I belong. Soon enough I will once more be a hostel dweller, a nomad, a drifter, a backpacker just like I am meant to be.
As I’ve been writing this post, a smile actually came to my face with thought of staying in a hostel…Crazy right?…But I actually miss being in a hostel environment, not so much the crappy bunk beds and BO stinking dorms you get sometimes, definitely not the ‘free’ breakfast’s that could be on offer but just the vibe and atmosphere that backpackers can create. You know what I mean?